Post by Johnny on Nov 27, 2004 15:35:55 GMT -5
In the final days of 2004, it's important to bear in
mind the many things you've stumbled on, tripped
over or even smashed with your bare hands. My
great Uncle Ed used to tell me, "Pass me some of
that dumb-ass over there"...Now, with that in mind,
I'd like to state a few things about the year in
alcohol (2004) -
-I've woken up in places that I would never even
dare to sleep sober.
-I've woken up with people that I would never even
want to say "f**k You" to sober.
-I've woken up in States that I would never go to
sober.
-I've had conversations for hours on end about
marsupials, lead based paint, genitals, poker,
Tele-Tubbies, Pygmies, musical equipment, dental
work, astronomy, National Geographic and various
other topics.
-I've attacked moving cars in the middle of a Jack
Daniels binge. Bark bark, right?
-I've painted Sesame Street characters on people's
backs while they slept unaware.
-I've played "Poke The Redneck With a Spork" at
hillbilly bars in Downriver
-I've taken care of various scrapes, bruises and
lacerations on my body...with Jim Beam.
-I've hid life size Newt Gingrich cut-outs in my
bathroom to scare the shit out of people when
the walk in.
-I've held paper bags up to people mouths so
they could breath after walking in my bathroom
to find a middle-aged man standing there.
And after numerous other things including (but
not limited to) severe dehydration, I can say this
for the beginning of 2005 -
mind the many things you've stumbled on, tripped
over or even smashed with your bare hands. My
great Uncle Ed used to tell me, "Pass me some of
that dumb-ass over there"...Now, with that in mind,
I'd like to state a few things about the year in
alcohol (2004) -
-I've woken up in places that I would never even
dare to sleep sober.
-I've woken up with people that I would never even
want to say "f**k You" to sober.
-I've woken up in States that I would never go to
sober.
-I've had conversations for hours on end about
marsupials, lead based paint, genitals, poker,
Tele-Tubbies, Pygmies, musical equipment, dental
work, astronomy, National Geographic and various
other topics.
-I've attacked moving cars in the middle of a Jack
Daniels binge. Bark bark, right?
-I've painted Sesame Street characters on people's
backs while they slept unaware.
-I've played "Poke The Redneck With a Spork" at
hillbilly bars in Downriver
-I've taken care of various scrapes, bruises and
lacerations on my body...with Jim Beam.
-I've hid life size Newt Gingrich cut-outs in my
bathroom to scare the shit out of people when
the walk in.
-I've held paper bags up to people mouths so
they could breath after walking in my bathroom
to find a middle-aged man standing there.
And after numerous other things including (but
not limited to) severe dehydration, I can say this
for the beginning of 2005 -
